Today my head is exploding. After yesterday's and today's hours and hours of study I had to take a break. It gave me an opportunity to think for a moment about something not related to the officer's school.
For last few weeks I was so focused in everyday duties that I forgot look for things enriching my spirit. Because my day is fully scheduled I cannot celebrate Holy Mass everyday. I miss this part of my life. I feel kind of emptiness, lack of presence. For over 28 years I build my day around the Eucharist and for last four weeks someone runs my life around the schedule. This is a horrible experience. I feel spiritual weakness. I can say my prayers, but besides them there is not much more "good" for my soul. I understood how much prayers I need from you to stay open on the grace of God. I miss my daily access to the Holy Mass.
For last few weeks I asked myself many times why I am doing this, why I make myself miserable. What is the purpose of this sacrifice? And I have only one answer: because I gave my life into the hands of my God. My classmates are asking me quite often why I am doing this. Some of them cannot believe that I didn't quit yet. But I always have the same answer. I do if for God and my strength is from Him.
Tonight I am giving glory and praise to God for He is with me.