Improvement
- ksmarekk
- Nov 25, 2023
- 1 min read
Today my head is exploding. After yesterday's and today's hours and hours of study I had to take a break. It gave me an opportunity to think for a moment about something not related to the officer's school.
For last few weeks I was so focused in everyday duties that I forgot look for things enriching my spirit. Because my day is fully scheduled I cannot celebrate Holy Mass everyday. I miss this part of my life. I feel kind of emptiness, lack of presence. For over 28 years I build my day around the Eucharist and for last four weeks someone runs my life around the schedule. This is a horrible experience. I feel spiritual weakness. I can say my prayers, but besides them there is not much more "good" for my soul. I understood how much prayers I need from you to stay open on the grace of God. I miss my daily access to the Holy Mass.
For last few weeks I asked myself many times why I am doing this, why I make myself miserable. What is the purpose of this sacrifice? And I have only one answer: because I gave my life into the hands of my God. My classmates are asking me quite often why I am doing this. Some of them cannot believe that I didn't quit yet. But I always have the same answer. I do if for God and my strength is from Him.
Tonight I am giving glory and praise to God for He is with me.
You are in the desert just like so many in old Testament and early Christian history. Many followed God's direction into the desert seeking and searching for a deeper, closer relationship with Him. Many had doubts and they struggled, wondering if they were listening to the Him correctly.
The first month or so after you came to OLW you asked in one of your blogs, "Why did I have to leave Pax Christie?". It was the unknown and the rebuilding of a new life with new people and new situations that was so daunting yet less than 6 months or so later, it became easier. Your habit of being true to the Faith and teaching everyone how to see…
You are an inspiration for us all and your classmates. Hopefully your experience can inspire change in the future for others so they are not rushed through their day and feeling the same emptiness. Our military needs to support a spiritual life as well as protecting us.
It is the beauty of you! Your spiritual nature. I can only imagine how difficult this change has been for you when for years you have run a parish. I, myself, am sometimes amazed at how long a week is between Mass. How quickly I lose touch. Even with thinking of God constantly. I find saying a rosary helps. The spiritual teachings, the readings, the homilies, the Eucharist is an indescribable lifting of the spirit. You are strong and you have been admirable in your determination throughout this entire process which has not been easy. You will continue to be in my prayers. There is an end. Hang in there.
I felt, while ready this post, that you're going through this to help others who will be following you, going through the same training. The emptiness, spiritual weakness, horrible experience you are going through will give you insights to direct our future officers and you will persevere for the sake of God's desire and our country's future. Bless you Fr Marek and we're praying for the strength you need to endure God's will for you🙏
God has a plan for you. Prayers.